The Unbearable Brilliance of Soft Rock

Like many of my favorite soft rock tunes, "Magnet and Steel" reminds me of long car rides with my mother during childhood in the late seventies. Like many of those songs, "Magnet and Steel"'s banality only made the car ride seem more excrutiating. But it got stuck in my head, and thanks to youtube, I have been able to rediscover many of these old songs as they bounce around in my head like so many stray electrons.

Co-produced by Lindsay Buckingham and featuring Stevie Nicks on backing vocals, "Magnet and Steel" has serious pop pedigree behind it. It's swaying, trancelike verses come to a resolution in the chorus, when Egan declares, "With you I'm not shy to show the way I feel/for you are the magnet, and I am steel." What could be a greater metaphor for the mysterious chemistry behind romantic love, as well as the needs that partners can fulfill for each other?

It's a beautiful thing, but when you watch the video, you can't help but notice something creepy about the gangly Egan as he rocks back and forth while rolling his eyes around in his head. He looks uncomfortable in a just-ran-out-of-hemorrhoid-ointment kind of way. Maybe it's that jacket - he looks like one of the Pink Ladies in Grease II. I guess you could call it soft-glam.

I don't know if Maria Muldaur is the greatest singer, but when I saw her perform "Midnight at the Oasis" on one of my friend's Midnight Special DVDs, I was pleasanty surprised by her charismatic curves. I guess it's a pretty good song, and it's got a pretty memorable hook, but overall, I'd have to say that the main attraction lay in Muldaur's earthy sex appeal.

Nowadays, Muldaur is a little more filled out, maybe not as taut as she once was, but is still an attractive lady. From what I have found online, it looks she's gone full-tilt into some raunchy blues. The busty balladeer recently put out an album called "Naughty, Bawdy and Blue," featuring the tracks "One hour mama" and "Empty bed blues." Maybe she's still trying to prove she can be a sex symbol. Well, Maria, you don't have to prove anything to me. You'll always be that voluptuous earth mama from Midnight Special.

Harry Nilsson was obsessed with his name. He put out albums entitled "Nilsson Schmilsson," "Son of Schmilsson," and "A Little Touch of Schmilsson in the Night." I don't know if he had some grandiose ego, but he did have quite a following. Even though Nilsson isn't a household name these days, he was held in high esteem by The Beatles, who helped him get his career off the ground. Unfortunately, Nilsson's friendship with John Lennon almost ruined his voice. The duo partied so hard together that one of Nilsson's vocal chords required sugery.

But it was Nilsson's soaring vocals that made hisory with his cover of Badfinger's hyper-ballad "Without You." You could call it the ultimate torch song, or high school slow dance number. Either way, the melodrama of "Without You" is way ahead of its time, predicting the such power ballads as "Every Rose Has its Thorn," and Heart's "Alone," but doing it ten times better with 100 times more sincerity. Fans of Eric Carmen's "All By Myself" will love it. It'll make you cry in your closet, collapsed in a pile of old photo albums as you sop up your ratty bathrobe with tears while your neighbors bang on the wall after you've played it for the seventeenth time on your eight track player.

It's hard to believe the same guy did that quaint "Coconut" song that ended up on the "Reservoir Dogs" soundtrack.

And speaking of soundtracks, "Without You" was aptly chosen to enhance the epic feel of Martin Scorsese's "Casino."

Listen to it here:

http://www.dailymotion.com/relevance/search/nilsson/video/xeq70_harry-nilsson-without-you

Despite the current hyper-sexualized media environment, Gary Puckett & the Union Gap's "Young Girl" (1967) would never make it to the charts today. Here's a guy confessing that he really wants to do it with this girl, but she's a minor (I assume), yet it's just soooo tempting. If only it wasn't against the law.... It's like the international pedophile theme song. Check out these lyrics:

And now it hurts to know the truth, Oh,

Beneath your perfume and make-up

You're just a baby in disguise

And though you know that it is wrong to be

Alone with me

That come on look is in your eyes, Oh....

Yes, your Hannah Montana backpack is driving me crazy... Better run, girl! Terrible. But Gary Puckett is a great singer, in a Tom Jones kind of way, and it's a very catchy tune. We can all relate to temptation, and I suppose you have to give credit to the guy for dressing up in a powder-green soldier uniform and admitting to the world he has a problem. Yes, this song was performed on national TV. Ah, the sixties. Such an innocent time.

Rabid Michael Jackson fans and obsessive music taxonomists will probably skewer me for including the Gloved One's "Off the Wall" in a soft rock list. However, "Off the Wall" (from the 1979 album of the same name) has the kind of steady, even dynamic and sculpted chorus that gives it that easy radio appeal. Remember, soft rock is not an epithet; it's just a catchy, rigoroulsy arranged pop song that won't jangle your nerves. Soft rock can be danceable, as you can clearly see from the video of Jackson's live performance pasted in below.

Classification aside, "Off the Wall" reminds us why Michael Jackson was once held in high regard. He practically invented modern pop music. He is a gifted singer and dancer. While watching this video, I realized that he sacrificed -- or was made to sacrifice -- a happy, healthy existence to give the world brilliant music. When you're laughing at that episode on South Park where his nose falls off and he dresses up as Peter Pan, remember that millions of music lovers around the globe have reaped the benefits of Michael Jackson's psychic trauma.